Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
