last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
