you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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