Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it hurts more in the daytime
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
