yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
