my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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