You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
