His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He kissed a someone with a penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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