can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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