i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
