My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
