she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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