So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize