I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
