Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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