I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
