that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
