sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
