Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
