yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
