and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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