I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
