im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
