I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
