If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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