She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
