I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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