that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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