Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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