Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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