Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
