There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
