the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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