He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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