Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
