Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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