one two three fourrrrnication!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
