he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
