I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
