i need an iv and a liver transplant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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