what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
