Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
