its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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