Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
