I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
