You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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