Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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