I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
