WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
