yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize