I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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