Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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