I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
