his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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