I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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