he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
