I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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