The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
