Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
