Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize