I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
