I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
