...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
