Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
