last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
