youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
