Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
