I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
