I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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