i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
