wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They took my balls.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
