Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
