Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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