Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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