A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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