Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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