you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
