THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
