This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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