Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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