I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
