but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
