its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, beer. Big fan.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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