i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
