i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize