And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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