you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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