Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
