A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
