I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
