Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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