Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize