I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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