bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
