He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
