You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize