As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
