Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I understand Curling. That high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
