They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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