go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
