is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize