I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
