I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
