Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just threw up on my dentist
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
These tits shall not be calmed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
