soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
