i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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