Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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