he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize